On family relationships (v1.0)

This essay discusses inter family relationships from my perspective. It primarily focuses on the existence of and challenges due to family spread in Indian origin families and some ideas on what might help. 

For a long time in India, family relationships were very integral to society. Many families lived in joint family units. Family dynamics and relationships were very important. This is still true today in some families. There are still extended families and joint families. There are still dispersed families that are tight knit. 

Today some Indian families have scattered. One member may be in one country while the other member could be in another country. Family relationships today typically sink right down to the nuclear family of typically parents, husband, wife, and kids, even if dispersed. Some nuclear families are splitting up too but that is not the focus of this essay. Relationships due to blood with other members of the extended family (beyond nuclear) is weaker. Relationship with extended members is now by mutual consent and takes far more effort and perseverance and commitment to establish and maintain. Nobody should expect to be guaranteed a relationship due to blood connection alone anymore.

Also, the expectations of that relationship by the two parties in that relationship could vary widely. It will be more successful if they were similar. Expectations that your kids will return to where you are, could be misplaced. Kids scatter all over. As they disperse, even expectations that your very own kids or siblings or cousins or nieces/nephews will think even like you do or have even similar values as you are misplaced. The world keeps changing rapidly along with people adapting to survive and make a living in it and migrating. Yesterday's texture of relationships is not necessarily tomorrow's texture of relationships. 

What really helps to create and maintain a relationship today successfully is growing up together, shared experiences, shared interests, shared values, shared ideas or beliefs, or an emotional connection (People typically call a deep emotional connection love and is rarer). It also helps if you don't pass judgement on the actions, ethics or behavior of some other person in the relationship you disagree with because different locations and ages and dispositions might have different norms and customs and attitudes and values. A relationship must be based on honesty, and without trust it won't survive. Trust though is harder to establish for remote entities. The method of remote interaction might need adjusting over time as needed. People in different locations/age range may have different interaction preferences or even language used.  Attempting to change a person through the relationship from "who they are" won't work.  "Who they are" and expectations of someone are both shaped by location and local experiences and age to some degree. Instead recalibrate or refocus the relationship in a different direction. These points might help expand local units to wider networks. 

Nothing spoils a relationship more quickly than bringing a money transfer of some sort into it that disadvantages a member. When nuts come to bolts though, your nuclear family, even if dispersed, stands alone. But good relationships, well-tended, could be very uplifting and fulfilling and supporting to a participant.  

Emotions play a big role too in family relationships but that is outside the scope of this essay. There is a wide spectrum of emotions at play, and they are subjective.  Respect, admiration, liking, affection and love are all examples of emotions.